Pictures

Thought I'd see If I could post pics from my phone.
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Michael, Sabrina, Sean and Jim outside Manhattan's a few months ago.
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Jim & Sean "working"
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Me, Sabby & Jim again "working"

Interview

So T had a mini interview in her blog and made 5 questions for me.
Questions for Amanda....
You have 3 tickets for a vacation, who do you take and where do you go?
I would probably take Tana, AJ & Michael. No offence to the clique. My ass would be kicked if I didn't take Tana. I would love to go to New Zealand, or Australia.

Would you date a member of the same sex?
Nope I've come to terms with my sexuality and I'm officially straight. The odd drunken make out session tends to happen. Dating is a step out of my comfortable zone though...Sorry T.

What is the one thing that scares you?
Oddly enough someone asked me this just a little while ago. I couldn't think of anything. I love all insects, spiders. I'm not afraid of heights, or small spaces, or being alone, or the dark or dying. I don't like centipede's though and I think I'd be terrified to lose a sense, like my sight, or my hearing something like that permanently.

If you could any superhero, who would you be?
well it certainly wouldn't be a DC hero cause they suck ass! I cant think of a super hero that's immortal maybe vampirella any super hero that's immortal. Or if there isn't one cause I cant think of anyone, I would be Rogue. She's super fuckin hot, can fly, is super strong AND can take anyone's powers. Then if I found an immortal super hero, I'd just take their immortality. All I want is to live forever is that too much to ask, I would never ever get tired of life.

What is the one thing that you would change about yourself if you could?
I'd be thinner. Yah that's right I'm shallow. I'd say more knowledge, but I can get that if I want.

Now the rules of the blog-a-thon...
1. If you would like to be interviewed, please leave a comment saying "Interview me!"
2. I will respond with leaving you 5 questions here, which will be entirely different than these questions.
3. You'll update your blog with the answers to these questions.
4. You'll include this explanation and your offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them 5 questions.

Killing time waiting for T

So far I've moderately stuck to not making plans this week. I've been to the gym every morning and tanning. I'm going pinker and pinker. I suspect I'll look like Kirby soon. I'm not going tomorrow on everyone's recommendation. I'm about to go out for food with T. I'm looking forward to it. I'm also stoked for tomorrow at Manhattans. Tana is coming. As well as Amanda from Edmonton. I've decided to like her. I wasn't sure because at this after party I tried to get by her and she wouldn't move her legs. I was drunk and it was like 5am so I'm willing to let it go. I could have imagined the entire thing anyhow. I try not to judge people right away. Let me rephrase that. I totally judge people right away, but never let my first impression decide for me, because most people I like when I get to know them.

I actually only hate 2 people. One is this bitch named Leila from highschool. Man I'd like to kick that girls ass. We were always pitted against eachother in martial arts which only increased my hatred. I ran into her at the gym like 2 months ago. Was awesome, she's fat and turned Muslim. Makes me giddy every time I think of it..There's Karma for you. The other is Raynna's somewhat forever boyfriend. If I had a gun I tell yah. He threatened to spit on me our first meeting just to give you an idea.

I think I've killed enough time. I actually think I'm out of things to ramble about. T is taking FOREVER geez. I'm going to want to sleep before she gets here.

Super relaxed

I had a fuckin bitchin weekend. Friday after work I had plans with Tana. I was going to go to the neighbourhood pub but was definitely not in the mood for it after Thursday nights escapade. So I called her and we were just going to rent movies. Then she calls me at like 9:58 pm as I'm just finishing work, and she says change of plans. Now she's at Riley's house and they are having a fire and I should come. I'm like well I thought we were meeting to eat first. She's like yah yah go eat then come over afterwards. So now my Tana night has suddenly changed to "I can come hang out with Riley and his friends....If I want". Super thanks.

So no one wants to see me hungry, I'm such a cunt. So Jim Aj and I swing by McDonald's (I'm a McJunkie) Then go to his place. Tana is just loaded. It wasn't a bad time I just wasn't in the mood. I wanted to relax and chat with Tana. I made her buy me Pepsi so at least I had a non alcoholic beverage to look forward to.

Saturday morning I slept in till 11am. I can't remember the last time I slept in, at my OWN house, in my OWN bed on a weekend. Was wicked. I had plans to take Jim to the brick to buy a bed and hang out with Jackie doing nothing. I called her and she was doing errands and would be done around 3pm. So Jim and I went and picked out his bed for him. Which he tries to think he had a choice but I'm bossy. So really I went to pick out Jim's bed with him in tow. (that's right bitch) AJ and I have also decided to make him buy new clothes too. Poor Jim, he's already whipped by AJ and looks like he's loving it.

Jim and I then went for lunch at Luciano's my fav restaurant, and then laid around my yard drinking daiquiris and joking with my parents. I hadn't spent a day with my parents in months. I didn't realize how much I missed them. They fuckin rule. The four of us talked and drank for like 6hrs. Then my dad bbq'd us steak AND chicken. Was wicked. One of the best days I've had in a long time. Obvious I never heard back from Jackie. I would have been choked if my day hadn't fuckin ruled. My dad asked me why I wasn't dating Jim. Eww. That's fuckin sick. I explained its like incest now. He's the male me only with more estrogen (j/k Jim..sorta).

When Aj and Michael got off of work we met up at Sambuca to see Sean play. I was exhausted from spending the day sitting on my ass in the sun. What? It's draining shutup. I was pretty much done with drinking so I just chatted with them till about 130am. Then we went home. I really enjoyed the music. I'm usually drinking and running around being a social butterfly, actually trying to talk OVER the music, and not really paying much attention. Was probably one of the first times I truly listened and appreciated. One of the benefits of not drinking as much is I might actually hear the DJ's now. I crashed at Jim's because I still didn't feel I should drive after drinking most of the day. (by not drinking as much..Didn't include this day, more not getting shit faced is my goal)...Best day ever.

AJ, Jim, Michael, Sean and myself met up for breakfast. Sean brought me flowers. Was so nice. I've never had someone buy flowers for no fuckin reason. I think I got a rose one valentines day when I was 17, but I'm not 100% sure I'm even accurate on that. Anyhow it made my day. After breakfast Aj and Jim went to the zoo to do disgusting couple like shit. Michael, Sean and I went to the comic book store. Damn you Sean for taking me there.

I LOVE comic's. Nothing pleases me or makes me more excited then wicked art and short stories. I stopped buying them because I was spending a ridiculous amount of money...That and one day I had rent. Damn growing up. Looking at all that I've missed and don't have. Was torture. Someone give me like $500 so I can catch up with all my series. Two of which ended. So really if I started up again...I'm not that far behind and it wouldn't be AS costly with less series right? I'm rationalizing shut it.

Michael went off to work, and the rest of the day I spent hanging out at Seans house. Was awesome because I'm truly comfortable there. I laid around,read and watched TV. We even walked to get ice cream. I love summer. To bad it will snow one more time before it actually starts, but whatever. I got ice cream bitch take that. It's going to be a bitchin week.

My novel (get a drink its a doozey)

I'm so glad it's Friday. That was SUCH a long week. My plans to stay at home and have a me week was the saddest attempt in history. I'm feeling over socialized. This week I seriously SERIOUSLY, plan to just relax. Monday I managed to stick with it though. I came home cleaned some shit before I went to work, then came home and actually watched TV. I was beginning to forget what that grey box in my living room was used for. I miss TV so much.

Tuesday morning before work Tana came over. It was nice out so we laid on my deck and drank coffee. We ended up taking our shirts off and laying in our bra's. She took some convincing, I'm like who's gonna fuckin see you in my yard. So she does...Not even 5 mins later the gas meter guy walks into the yard. Was so fuckin funny. She was all "oh my god" and embarrassed wanting to put her shirt back on. I'm like you cant put it back on, he'll think you're embarrassed. If you don't care then they don't care. So she managed not to cover up till after he left. Made my morning though, she was a BIKINI!! Waitress for over a year in the scuzziest bar in the city not even 6 months ago. All of a sudden she has shame.

Tuesday after work I went over to Raynna's to do pilates. Then went to Michaels when he got off work at 11:30 to watch Amazing Race. I love that show. My gay guys are out now though. I was so upset. I hate the old couple. That woman's monotone voice is the most horrendous thing since plus size lingerie was invented. I cant stand her.

Wednesday before work I went out for breakfast with Scott. We both bitched about work and compared stupid customer stories. Was most enjoyable..And free. Breakfast always tastes better when free. Wednesday after work I went to Seans house to watch movie's. I was prepared this time. I actually brought clothes and contact solution yah me. We ended up not actually watching a movie and talked and vented for a few hours. Was awesome. I always feel better about things when I vent to him. The best part was showering in the morning. I love his shower being upstairs now...mmm shower.

Thursday on my way to drop Sean at work. I stopped at a gas station to fill up cause I wouldn't make it 5 more blocks that's how empty I was. As I'm filling I go to grab my wallet and don't have it. I wasn't really that upset more inconvenienced. So I stop filling it and go inside. I'm like uh...I just filled up and don't have my wallet. All I did was smile real big and he seemed fine with it. I'm like I'll just leave you collateral. The only thing of value I had was my prized possession...My cell. So I said I'd leave it. Go find my wallet and come back to pay. Then I called work and sat on hold for 10 mins to see if I'd left it there. I was on 16th Ave and live way on the other side of the city. Was so annoying. I scanned my brain for the last time I'd used it. Seeing as how I had 8$ in my account for 4 days I hadn't used it anywhere.

So I drop Sean off. Its 9am. I drive all the way home which for the first time I didn't have to, because I'd FINALLY brought clothes for the next day...The first time in the months of crashing places. My whole life is one big fuckin Murphy's law it feels like. I run around my room. Find it. Drive all the way back to the gas station. Pay, get my phone. Cherisse had called. I was supposed to take her fish back with her. She's across town in the OTHER direction. The fish store is across the street from the gas station I'm currently at. Sucked balls.

So I go pick her up drive to the store to take back her fish. Their selection sucks so we drive to Chinook Petsmart and get a frog and a batta fish. I drop her off at 1pm and have an hour before work. I was exhausted and my day hadn't even started. I put 100km on my car in 4hrs. Was so so beautiful out, and my morning had started out so great that I was still in a suprisingly good mood considering.

After work I was so tired but I felt bad because it's Jim's night at Manhattan's and Sean is playing. So I even told Sabrina not to bother coming because I wasn't driving her home. I was only gonna pop in for an hour if that then go home to bed. Well AJ showed up and we talked then Tyler of all people calls me. He's like my drummer flaked on me and I'm bored where are you guys. So for the first time Tyler finally comes out with us I decided fine I'll stay for awhile. Then rounds of $2 shots start and next thing I know. It's Aj, Tyler Jim and Me and the DJ left. AJ and Jim were passed out in a booth. I had to actually poke Jim and tell him to close the bar as it's his night. He proceeded to sway over to a stool and try to STAND on it to turn the TV's off. I felt for his safety as funny as it would be for me, I should turn them off for him.

We caught this mini van cab. There were no seats in the back, can you believe that. I actually had to sit on the floor. We get out of the cab and AJ immediately veers for the edge of the walkway to puke. I walk over to do the girl hair holding thing that is a must. She's like I'm ok now, I say you got one more in yah. She says ok I'll try, and leans over again and vomits for another 3 mins. I'm like you look good now, lets go. Was highly entertaining for me.

We get in Jims apartment. They like are gone in 30 seconds into his room. I turn to Tyler and I'm like. I'm not sleeping with you, just so you know. You never know with guys it's best to be direct that way you don't have to put up with any shit. Its funny the number of times I've had to tell guys I'm not sleeping with them. I don't know if he had even thought it but it was best to let him know. I do the same when I plan to sleep with someone. I've said..Yah..We're gonna do it. Anyhow then I knock on Jims door and I'm like IM COMING IN TO GET A SHIRT. Just warning them. I don't want to see them doing it ever......Again that is. (I just threw up in my mouth a little). I open the door and all this commotion happens. Fuckin Jim had like booby trapped the door with his hockey sticks. Who the fuck does that. Really. Setting your hockey sticks against the door is not going to impede anyone. I laughed so hard and made fun of him.

In the morning which was really rough by the way. I get dressed and grab aspirin, advil AND tylenol and knock on their door again. Apparently Jim was super confused first thing. He heard Tyler and I talking in the other room, and he's like who's here. Seans going to be really late for work. Why are my hockey sticks in the middle of my floor? How did we get home? Was awesome.

Aj, Tyler and I started the trek to our cars and stopped for breakfast at Nelly's. Tyler paid for us. Again free breakfast is the best kind. I don't really know what to make of Tyler. He's not bad looking. I'm single, why you ask didn't I sleep with him. Mostly because he's hard to read. He's almost TOO nice. Like he's being fake. I cant tell if he's actually that nice or just being a player ALL the time. Besides he's slept with a few girls from work. Raynna is totally convinced he's a player. Tyler had a crush on her and she decided she's a-sexual or something so basically blew him off. I'm certainly not going to be second (3rd or 4th even if Jess is correct) choice for him. Not to be a bitch.. Oh wait fuck it. To be a bitch, it's basically because I'm not having Raynna's left overs. You can forget that. I'll judge him based on my own objectives rather then others though. I don't know enough about him to decide just yet. He seems cool though. Michael says we cant even be friends because I don't have time for another friend. Which is sadly true.

Anyhow I'm all caught up now. Tonight after work I picked Jim up and headed to Ogden to get some food. We ended up at Riley's. Tana, him and his 2 friends were having a fire pit. So I drank (just Pepsi) and joked for like 2 hrs. Was actually a good time. Would have been better If I wasn't so fuckin tired. I'm still in awe that I fit 40hrs of work into all my socializing. Bed time!

Just call me Fatty-McFat

This Saturday I also pulled out my summer clothes. Holy fuck what a way to destroy my day. I knew I'd put on some lbs, but Jesus. I couldn't fit into half of my summer clothes. Fuckin data dept making me get all fat..I refuse to take any responsibility. Damn McDonald's for being across the street and lacing everything with heroin. Damn me being single and shots being the fattiest liquids on earth. Hmm what else can I damn..I think I got it all covered.

I worked my ass off to lose weight last year and put half of it back on in like 3 months. Damn I'm good. I should write a book "How to gain an amazing amount of weight while still going to the gym, in the shortest amount of time possible". Damn that's a long title. Damn I say damn a lot.
Anyhow I'm getting my ass in gear. I'm going to leave out my summer shit and make my fat ass get into it once a week. Guilt is the best motivator for me.

About my day. Holy fuck was Raynna pissing me off today. I could have killed her. I usually only find myself getting angry when I'm PMS'ing, so I think about why I'm angry and calm down. Or vent about it in an amusing way to get it out of my system. I'm not PMS'ing so it must have been her being a complete bitch. I've never heard so many veiled insults in one 8hr period. She managed to say Sabby's shirt was white trash. Sean's laugh makes her want to kill herself. Insult Jim's "DJ shit". Insult Michael and my intelligence within like 10 mins. It was spectacular to witness, even more spectacular is she wasn't even aware she was being offensive.

She did admit she was PMS'ing and emotional, so I wasn't as angry. I think she could tell I had reached a tolerance peak 4hrs in. Still if you're like that and know you're like that, put on your fuckin head phones and keep your mouth shut. I don't need you to ruin MY day. I'm done. She was better the last half and almost cheery. Which made my day WAY better. I must love her because only the people you love should be able to push your buttons like that.

Day one of spending no money went very well. My mom is back tomorrow night and she drags my ass to the gym. Yay for mom's putting the fear of god in you. I'm excited for this weekend. I have no official plans. I'd like to spend some time with Jackie so I'm going to call her and try to arrange something. I also told Cherisse I'd take back her fish with her and give the pet store and ear full. They sold her 3 COI fish for a 2 gallon bowl. They grow to be like 3ft long. She's not paying for her new fish that's for sure. In fact I'm going to complain to the manager for not educating there customers especially when animals are involved. That's right don't mess with animals when I'm around, I'll fuck you up. All in all I'm going to have a fabulous week I've decided.

Just because I could fit one more in....wait for it..wait for it...DAMN!!

Tana's crazy B-day weekend

Holy shit am I bagged. I had a wicked weekend. My last hurrah really in the partying/drinking world. Thursday after work I went to Manhattans. I had no intentions of going out. I had plans with Raynna to watch a movie after work. She cancelled though, she had some tickets to a concert. So I was just going to go home and chill. Then Sabby didn't feel like going home either so we decided to make an appearance at Manhattan's to support Guru playing. He's fuckin wicked I love his music. I already decided not to drink because I was saving my cash for Tana's B-day. Everyone was there. Sean even showed up later. Hilarious that none of us planned to go out and all ended up together anyhow. Sabby and I had a long talk about life that sorta shit. I ended up leaving around 1ish. Drove Sabby home.

I got stuck at an accident on Ogden road. It was a really big one too they had the entire road blocked. I was the first car to arrive after the ambulance. I feel bad because at the time I was feeling inconvenienced. I found out today that some 19yr old died. I wondered why they took someone out on a stretcher but didn't seem in a hurry to get him into the ambulance. If I had been 4 mins earlier I would have been the only one around to help them. Kind of upset me when I found out Friday morning. I didn't get to see my mom before she left for Vancouver for a few day's which sucked but I can live for a few days.

Friday at work went by fast actually. I finished my project which I didn't think was possible, yay for me. Friday night we went to Soda for what USUALLY is our chill night. Tana decided to come, then Raynna, then Michael, then Jess. There was like 15 of us. Was wicked fun. Everyone would run over to Manhattans to do cheap shots then go back to Soda. We left it groups of 2's and 3's. So no one was actually at one bar at one time. Tana and I stuck together pretty much. Sabby and Raynna paired off. I kept missing Jim and AJ. I'd pass them when we were on our way to or from Soda or Manhattans. Michael pretty much stuck to Soda I had the most fun I've had in a long time. Tana had a deliciousness and was not disappointed. I got the funniest voice mails from her and Michael too.

I lost track of time and Soda was closing and I didn't pay my tab yet. D the bartender was outside. He didn't seem to care he said I could have paid it next week. That's adorable. I decided I have a small crush on Guru too. I have no intentions of doing anything about it though because I don't want a relationship with anyone anytime soon. I'm happy with where I am in my social life situation. If I cut back on my partying, as in..Do it rarely or do it without drinking which I CAN actually do. I should make some headway financially . This weekend was not at example of that, but like I said, last hurrah.

Saturday I woke up at Raynna's at like 7 fuckin am. Sucked balls I was awake awake. I had no hang over what so ever. Probably due to the massive amounts of KD and water I consumed before sleeping. Raynna and I spent about 30 mins sitting in the middle of her living room in our panties drinking water and cursing being awake. Then I layed in her bed and listened to her ramble and read her journal for almost 2hrs. She wandered out to the living room to watch a movie and I dozed off for another hour till she came in banging the door and yelling you have 30 mins till McDonald's breakfast ends..Move it...Move it.

The rest of the day I spent hanging out with Tana and Sabby. We went shopping, Tana found an outfit for the bar then I dropped her off at work at 530pm. Sabby and I layed around my house for 2hrs then decided to go to her place so she could get ready for the Alley. We met Jim at Sabby's place about 830. Man that girl can putter about and accomplish nothing. I thought I had a talent for it but she's a fuckin master. I planned to take the c-train there but we wasted so much time it was like 915pm when we left. I drove because Tana would have kicked my ass if I hadn't filled a table with cheap booze before the drink specials ended. Jim and I managed to load up a table in 15 mins..Very impressive.

All and all it was a pretty awesome night. Jess and Guru showed up later too, I didn't see them much though because I had reached the dancing on the speakers stage. Tana's mom even came. I love her. She even danced with us to Rob zombie. Was awesome. Riley and his brother showed up too. I thought that Tana would sit with him at the table. Much like AJ and Jim, who sucked because they sat all night. Aj danced like twice..You suck Jim. Next time your ass in on a speaker with me. Riley's brother was kinda creepy, he eyed me up all night blah. I had some guy buy me like 4 shots. I have no idea what they were but 4 in a row was disgusting. He and his friend hung around our table till close. Then he comes up and was like it was nice meeting you. I had no clue who it was till he's like I bought you drinks earlier. Then he followed me and Sabby out and stood by the hotdogs stand and watched us there. Was weird.

Again I wake up and drink water in my panties in someone's living room. Apparently my theme for the weekend. I crashed at Sabby's house and woke up feeling fine again. I chilled at her place till 2pm then Raynna and I went to Lido's for breakfast/lunch whatever. Was such good food. I then had to go get my car (I hate the train) and now I'm home about to embark on hours and hours of movies. Sean bailed on Surreal life but I sure as hell am not going to let that stop me from enjoying mini-me on reality TV. (boo-urns to you Sean) Tada *curtsey curtsey* that was my weekend. Now TV.

Suspense blows

I hate suspense. I just finished watching Alias. Stupid CBS makes their shows run 5 mins over the allotted time. So when recording you miss the last 5 mins. There was like a big dramatic ending where their panning the camera over to reveal someone you wouldn't suspect and the tape ends. I was livid. Funny how something so small can get you instantly furious. I immediately called Michael because he's still up at 1am and made him watch the last 2 mins and tell me who it was.

I'm tired of being broke. I looked at my budget and there is no way I'm going to be able to buy a condo or anything for that matter ever, at the current wage I'm at. I have two choices really. Go back to school for something.. I'm not sure what. Or leave the job I love and go back to the floor. I can suck it up. I actually liked the floor really. I can be permanent with benefits rather then this contract shit. I was informed today that I will be made permanent but they don't know when. I've waited 6 months. Been on contract for 10. People that started after me have benefits with better pay.

I however would not get weekends off. Which would kinda suck for the summer. I also would not get to see Jim, Sabby and Sean nearly as much. However I would spend less money. I chose to stay in data based on enjoying my work, being with "the clique" and having weekends off. Well I'm further in debt then when I DID pay rent. I had a blast though. Financially it would be better for me to go back to the floor. I'm gonna hold out till our Banff weekend in June. Then I think I might actually leave.

Sucks having to grow up. I'm gonna talk to the HR chick and see if I can even get permanent or if there's positions available. I'll take afternoons or midnights. Midnights you get 3 days off..But afternoons you can go out after work and still party on the weekends... I'll wait for that dilemma later. Unless I hear something concrete by the middle of June I'm done. *sniff* The plus side is I'm pretty sure Sabby has decided the same. You cant expect people to be patient when they're making no head way. With no hope for advancement or raises. I feel bad that they cant get there budget but I can't wait much longer.

Really this was me working it out and deciding something. It's apparently already decided. If I cant get on the floor then I'm leaving the company. I cant put my life on hold waiting for something to come my way. I've done that forever it seems. Besides the supervisor mentioned getting the actions done by end of April is his goal...And the end of April is when our contract is up. Coincidence probably not. No more over time is what pushed my decision. I need to get my shit together and do something. I'm bored with where I am.

On the plus side I'm feeling social again. I had coffee with T tonight. HAPPY B-DAY T!!! She's always enjoyable to talk to, besides she laughs at my jokes. You have to love people that make you feel funny. I'm looking forward to Saturday. YAY for drunken girls night (with Jim). Unfortunately he will see me at my worst. I always dance on speakers and make out with some guy every time I go. There's drunk Amanda, then there's drunk Amanda at the Alley. Two totally different people. Oh well. I'm off to sleep.

Yay for feeling better

Fuck I was so out of it yesterday. I felt burned out. I wasn't even sleepy tired I was just like emotionally and mentally done with people. I'm so glad that I got a project at work so I didn't have to socialize. Very rare I don't talk incessantly all the time. I even cancelled all my plans for next week after work. I feel so so much better today. I doubt I'll not do anything all week. I get bored fast sitting around the house.

I also said I wanted a clique free weekend. Due mainly because it's Tana's b-day and I want to chill with her. We're going to the Alley Saturday night. I fuckin love the Alley and haven't been in a long time. I'd like Sabby to come because she's been in a funk. I just have to make sure Tana wants her there because its her b-day. As well I thought I'm just going to lay around Sunday why not watch surreal life with Sean. So my none clique weekend didn't really happen.

Tana is having dinner with Riley Sunday night anyhow so I'm free to do what I want. I called Jackie and invited her out Saturday night. She might have to go to Edmonton but if she doesn't she'll come. I haven't seen in her forever. I haven't really talked to her much either. I work opposite shifts as her so I cant really talk to her during the week.

Moms leaving Thursday for Vancouver to see grams who's not doing to well. I should also go out there to spend a weekend with her. Boring as hell but she may not be around much longer and I would feel like a bag of shit if I didn't. There's a lot of things I've been putting off. Where did all the time go. Feels like yesterday it was New Years.

YAY for the government. I got one of my tax return cheques yesterday. Was like $760 going straight onto my visa. That's a bit of a load off. I haven't made much head way moving home to save up. Probably due to the excessive partying I've been doing. I'm totally going to chill for the next month or so and get my finances sorted. Anyhow I should probably got to work or some shit.

Exhausted

I'm soooo exhausted. I over did it again this weekend. Totally wicked weekend but I didn't leave myself any time to unwind alone. I forget that much needed part. I need to schedule time for myself. If it was just my weekends that were pact I'd be fine, but I make plans for after work everyday almost as well. My mornings are pact with Tana and mom because it's the only time I get to see them really. Mom works afternoons 4pm to midnight and Tana has odd hours. Maybe not this week because its almost full, but NEXT week I'm not gonna make any plans after work.

Anyways I'll start with Friday. I woke up early after a late night Thursday. I cant even remember why I was up late because it seems like forever ago. I agreed to go shopping with Sabby and Raynna. I needed a new journal and some sandals. I've been saying I need a new journal forever now, but if I can hardly find time to BUY a journal, I can assure you I don't have time to write in one. I always used it as a way to sort my thoughts and shit but I type faster then write. So this is my drive through journal to get the bulk out.

So anyhow we shopped all morning then all day at work I did FUCK all. Usually I exaggerate when I say I did nothing. I mean I did NOTHING. There was a point where Sabby and I played hang man. It went by suprisingly fast. After work I met Jim and Sean at Soda. I had decided I was going to drink and probably crash at Jims before I even got there. I did both so yay for me. I was drinking vodka on the rocks. It was actually Vodka seven but with the bartender there. He fills a small glass with ice poor vodka which fills 3/4 of it then tops it with a drop of Seven-up. Combined with running back and forth from Soda to Manhattans to do shots with AJ and Jim I was pretty good.

Poor Jim. I smacked him and pinched him all night whenever him and AJ kissed or touched or anything of the sort. It amused me at the time..Wait it amuses me now too actually. I had a lot of fun with the "crew". Me, Sean, AJ and Jim crashed at Jims once the bar closed.

Saturday I woke up feeling really good actually. No headache no anything. Sean and I joked around and it was generally a great morning. I even didn't mind walking 12 or so blocks back to my car. Then I had to meet Tim. Blah. So I drive all the way to the NE. I'm starving I barely walked in the door before I said we needed food immediately. We went to Deerfoot mall and I ate fish and chips till I could hardly move.

The best part was I hadn't brushed my hair, and I wasn't wearing any makeup, and I was wearing the same clothes from Friday. He says glad you put in some effort for me. I laughed and said please like I care, you've seen me naked so drunk I couldn't stand in the shower vomiting on myself. He's like good point, this is a small step up at least. (I was thinking haha fucker that'll make me come running back to you) Now we're at surprise time. We walk out the back doors of the mall and there are rides. My first thought is I'm still a little hung over and he watched me stuff my face full of fish and tartar sauce...Ass!

It wasn't bad actually. I was a tiny bit concerned about the state my stomach would be in. I went straight for the gravitron because that would let me know right away. I'm brash...Or stupid that way. It was great because there wasn't many people there so the guys running the ride would let it go for a really really long time. I mean I'm 2 mins in going I'm done now! I actually swayed when walking to the next ride. Tim attempting the "arm" move. Can you believe that. Shortened version it was 2hrs of what would have been a blast, feeling like an uncomfortable necessity. I saved noodle though. YAY!

I drive back home, Tana is waiting for me. She has to work at 5:30 and wants to go to Michaels way in Signal Hill. I had enough time to change clothes at least. So I drive up there we get coffee, get noodle a new bowl. I drive back home drop Tana off. Drive to the mall to pick up Sean to get him his computer before the store closes at 6pm. Aj calls she needs a shirt and shit because she is still in the same clothes at work. I go back home get her shit, put Noodle in his new home, grab all the Martini party shit and Sean and I are off again. I'm so glad he wanted to set up his new monitor just so I could lay down and not do anything for an hour it was awesome.

Jims was great though. Jim, Sean, Sabby, Cherisse, Aj, Tana, Michael and myself. Was a blast. Michael was the life the party, he was super drunk and being inappropriate all night. So funny to see him loaded because it doesn't happen often. Was good to see him so comfortable because I know he doesn't like larger groups. Anyhow everyone goes home and its just the 4 of us again. It ended at like 5am even though some *coughseancough* only made it till about 2ish (j/k). Poor AJ had to work at 10:30am Sunday.

Sunday was wicked because Jim Sean and I just lounged all day. We met Michael and went for breakfast, then walked up and down 17th ave shopping and relaxing. Was so fucking nice outside. The best part of my day was my new shirt I found that says "Filthy whore" in larger letters and "sin for sale" in smaller letters underneath. Awesome. I nearly creamed myself when I saw it. We wandered aimlessly for about 4hrs. I dropped Sean off at home then went to ADT to meet T for pottery.

Pottery was fun too. I ended up doing a platter which I knew would happen. Everything seemed to have butterflies or flowers or hearts..blah. My plate kicked ass though. I did Japanese lettering and attempted to make it dirty. I free handed it from this binder they had. It sucked they had like 25 words to choose from but I managed. I started with Big man hand opening up oneself. Unfortunately the lettering takes so much damn time that I ended up writing random words like fish,mother,honour and shit like that. I chose the pretty ones then the easiest ones as my patience was finishing. I cant wait till some poor Japanese woman comes into my house and I have to serve her something. Damnit anyone know someone Japanese that I can invite over?

T and I went for dinner afterwards. I wish I had more time to spend with people. I don't see T enough. Or Jackie or Scott for that matter. I should balance my time out more evenly between my friends. I feel guilty. I don't know how I played on the computer for hours and hours not even a year ago. Insane. Anyhow this was my unwinding time. Yay for having to wake up early to go to the gym. Super.

I hate ex's

So I get home from work. Still in a great mood. Work was slow but I did fuck all. SOOOo sick of the repetitiveness. Anything new would be super. Id shit my pants for a change of pace..Hell I'd shit someone else's pants even. Least I finished those retarded Tyco tests.

So I get home Cherisse calls me because she's near by on a "movie date", apparently he was boring because she needed an excuse to leave. She's very put together for how young she is. I often forget how young she is till she says something,then I'm like oh yah..Then forget again. We went for a walk it was sooo nice out. Please stay nice out, please stay nice out.

So then she leaves and I come back to msgs from Tim. He apparently has new plans for Saturday so we're not going to a movie he has a surprise..It will be fun but short. So we have to go for lunch or something. I hate surprises because suspense kills me. I read the ends of books and fast-forward through shows. However because it's him and I don't want to be there to begin with I'm almost worried. Then he starts making inappropriate jokes which would have been funny coming from ANYONE else. It's too soon however for me and makes me sick to my stomach actually. He's getting weirder.


Amanda:
what were you thinking of doing then?
Tim:
I know how much you hate surprises, so I aint telling yah
Tim:
It'll be fun tho, just may not take overly long....We'll have to go get some lunch or something after
Amanda:
uh ok
Tim:
well, how long does sex take? I ain't no marathon man
Amanda:
blah
Tim:
I'm sorry, I'm just to lazy to masturbate, so I want you to come have sex with me ;)
Tim:
Going out after work tomorrow?
Amanda:
yes of course...

WTF!! Then he asked me where I was going so he wouldn't run into me. Then I get all paranoid thinking he'll show up at Soda or something. So I said don't worry there's no chance of that. He's like why going to a friends house? Fishing still. I just left it because Cherisse called me so I stopped talking. He's like why all quiet. You're never at a loss for something to say.

OH OH and on another note. Noodle my fish that I'm picking up Saturday. He was in one of those glass vase things. He broke it his one and only time in 3yrs cleaning his bowl. Luckily Noodle wasn't in it. This was about 2 months ago almost. So I told him where I got it from. He still hasn't got him a new vase. Then says he's not doing to well. You know where my fish is! He's in a bowl! Like a soup bowl! I'm like WTF. No shit he's not doing well! Grrr he knows how anal I am. You don't fuck with 3 things. My pets, my plants, my comics. I'll fuck you up.

Then he proceeds to make excuses. So glad I'm on familiar territory now I berate him for not stopping by after work. It's on his way home. He's like and what take it home on the train. I'm like its a vase..You lift shit for a living. He has friends and roommates with cars in 8 weeks I'm sure a 5 min trip would not have been a big thing. He's like I don't like to use my friends as taxi's. BTW if anyone needs to swing by a pet place to pick up a vase or bowl for there fish because there's is living in a fuckin soup bowl. I will drive you there and back no hesitation.

Phew. I feel way better now. At least it's good to know he's still in the same patterns and I've moved on and don't have to worry about it. I'm getting EVERYTHING that's mine that I left behind. In case things go sour he has nothing he can wreck. Not to say we can't be friends but not till he's matured. Actually matured and not just told me he has. I'm off to sleep. YAY FRIDAY

Be prepared for super long entry

So last night I could not sleep. I mean I was laying awake for like 2hrs. 10 mins is considered insomnia for me, so this was torture. I was thinking about the year and the drastic changes my life has taken in the last 4 months. I'm super proud of myself for realizing how unhappy I was and having "balls of steel" and doing something about it. (though it took fuckin forever). Then I started doubting how strong I was really. I've never really had to deal with a big break up. All my long relationships I've basically cut the person out entirely. I've done it and not hesitated on my decision or dwelled on how I felt about it. Not in the sense I was upset or missed them etc. In the sense that I cut this "important" person out of my life 100% and not missed them at all.
How can I go from spending every day with someone to never seeing them again, and feel nothing. The only thing I miss is cuddling with someone and that's not me missing them, that's me missing cuddling. (which I've got covered..phew)

Then I start doubting if I ever loved them, what is love blah blah etc etc. It truly sucked. I'm going to a movie with Tim on Saturday. He still loves me and wants me back and the only thing I feel is uncomfortable. I soooo don't want to see him again. If he didn't still have some of my shit More importantly poor Noodle my fish. I probably would ditch again. I'm glad he's making all these self changes and improving himself. However even if everything that was wrong with us was magically fixed. I done and don't want to go back.

My friends have done a 180 as well. Amanda whom I've known since I was 11 moved to London just before Christmas. Vanessa whom I've known since I was 5, had a baby. Tana for the first time is in love and spending 24/7 with Riley. Which I'm super happy for her, and I did it to her on more then one occasion for months at a time. However I used to spend 90% of my free time with her for the past 12 yrs. Her timing sucked ass too. For the first time in forever I'm free and single, and she's entering her first relationship. On the same note AJ whom was always attached as well (4yrs anyhow) is now single. Its like the twilight zone. Least Aj and I are closer then ever with Tana being busy.

However with my usual friends seemingly all disappearing suddenly, then a shift AND department switch. I was suddenly lost. Not that I ever felt it (apparently I'm a robot) a new group of friends came just at the right time I needed some emotional support. Sabrina, Jim and Sean. Now dubbed the "data power clique". Not that T, Tana and Michael weren't, I just didn't sit with them 40hrs a week. We all seemed to be going through some emotional and life changes. I'm really happy with my life now. .

(be prepared for some sappiness) I also partied ALOT. Which I'm just now pretty much gotten out of my system. Thanks to Jim who can consume more alcohol then an entire island of newfys. I needed someone who could party as much as me and be an excellent baby sitter when needed. I'm glad we become closer daily. Thanks to Sabby whom is one of the most down to earth people I've met in a long time. She's like an old super wise woman packed into a young body. She gave me some great advice when I didn't even know I needed some. Thanks to Michael who lets me vent none stop and then makes me laugh about it afterwards. Thanks to T whom I met when in a very bad head space. She almost convinced me to switch teams with her amazing personality. I'm glad we're going back to the way we used to be (totally my fault yah yah), and thanks to Raynna for reminding me how much I've grown-up.

I just wanted to thank Sean especially for breaking up at the same time so I'd have someone to go "WELL MY EX DID THIS". Thanks for being my re-bound when I'd normally fall into the same old post breakup habits. You helped me wrap my head around some of the more emotional aspects of my life, and kept me grounded. I read some of Seans blog this morning. Very positive blog BTW It put me in a great mood, very uplifting. I impressed with his ability to be positive about virtually everything in his life. When he notices he's not being positive, he pauses and thinks about it, then finds something positive. You must teach me this trick Sean.

I'm done ranting. I'm looking forward to this weekend, it can't come fast enough. I also can't wait for the summer. Its nice out today maybe that has something to do with my mood as well. Or it could be I'm pmsing and get emotional.

Complete Gibberish Really

I'm done my inner turmoil I just have a mish mash of shit that I needed to vent. I hate drama so I try to deal with my own as fast as possible. I'm never stressed. I get frustrated but never stressed. I don't know what has been my issue lately but the last few months really. (not that this is a bad thing) Ever since my breakup with Tim I've been hyper aware of others. In the sense that I can tell when people have issues or problems and I care more then I usually would. Not that I haven't always been there for my friends but lately its to the point that, like if someone's having a bad day it's like I can't continue on with my day until they are fixed.

I consider myself a nice person (no sarcastic comments) and I do usually like to help my friends out, but I never usually get emotionally involved in there problems. Never have. I never realized how much I fuckin babysat Tim. I don't have an outlet now so I'm mothering everyone around me. It's like I'm a fuckin girl now blech. I'm sure it's pissing some people off. I hate it because its actually starting to affect me. Calling people hon is actually habit for me now, I never did that before. I never was a hugger. Now I'm like the fuckin hug whore. I wasn't going anywhere with this just shit I noticed lately. If I turn from my regular bossy yet supportive friend. To motherly and pushy smack me please.

ANYHOW it's only Tuesday. This week is going to crawl I can tell. I hate those weeks. I'm looking forward to the weekend which I usually don't do till at least Wednesday. Saturday I agreed to go to a movie with Tim. I'm such a sucker. There you go people, guilt is the only way to make me do something I don't want to. However martini night at Jims should be a blast and I'm actually looking forward to pottery that T signed me up for on Sunday. I like painting and if they have a dragon that would cool. If they don't I'm going to kick some ass. If I end up painting some lame ass bowl I'm going to be pissed. I just hope I don't over do it Saturday night and not make it in for OT Sunday which is the plan.

I have to make plans for Tana's b-day next on the 17th because she HATES her b-day and gets super depressed. It just occurred to me that she's never had a boyfriend during her b-day. Does this mean I should talk to him before I plan shit for her..Probably but I wont because fuck him I was here first. We've always planned each others b-days and Halloween. He can have her for New Years. That's generous of me I'd say. Damn males getting in the way all the time. Anyhow bed time

Soo many movies

Well in order to save money the key I've discovered is to barricade yourself indoors, and glue your ass to a couch for a weekend. Friday was a pretty tame evening at Soda. I had just consumed 15lbs of food at work because we had a potluck. So when my ass hit that couch I was not moving. AJ showed up too which is cool. I'm going to have to have someone sit between her and Jim at all times, because seeing them be affectionate at all causes me to vomit in my mouth a little. SHE'S LITTLE! ew. Anyhow. Sabby wasn't herself because of her asshole boyfriend. I actually was starting not to mind him, but seeing the affect he has on Sabby makes me hate him more and more. I try not to insult him too too much. Just that when he puts her in a bad mood *I* have to deal with it..not him. Everyone knows I'm not good at keeping how I feel to myself, so I feel like I deserve this giant reward for keeping my mouth shut. Maybe I'm TOO protective of my friends. (there's your paragraph bitches)

On the plus side I formed Amanda ass prints in couches across the city this weekend. Saturday I worked overtime, which wasn't to bad actually. Saturday night Sean and I chilled and watched movies. Sunday morning 6 of us went to see Sin City which was a little cheesey, but awesome none the less. Then I spent the rest of the day with Jim and Sean watching about 8hrs of movies at Cherisse's. So it was about 12hrs of viewing pleasure with a slurpee break to keep us from slipping into a coma. All and all a bitchin weekend. I don't think I could do tame weekends often, but when they come you sure appreciate them.

I've been super restless lately. You know one of those analyze your life bouts you get into. I hate them. I have a gap that needs to be filled that is preventing my life from being superb. I'm lucky to have such awesome friends, and more then I deserve probably. So many in fact I neglect some simply because I need to not work for a living to have enough time. I thought maybe the gap was a boyfriend because I've always had one. Then I thought I'm happier now without one then I ever was with one. Well not ever but for a long long time anyhow, so that's not my gap. I'm usually un-happy with the place I work but I love my job, so that's also not it.

Unfortunately whenever I get like this I switch jobs, or boyfriends. So I've been seriously considering a change of scenery. My mom always suggested I move to Bermuda to live for awhile, just 6 months to a year; as some people whom I was raised with live there. I would have a place to stay and a job. I had things or rather people and responsibilities that held me here before. Not that I wouldn't miss my friends but they would still be here and how often are you not tied down in your life. Then I think... It will probably be the same but really...What's 6 months. I've been in the data dept at work for 6 months and that flew by. Then I think what's lacking is I'm not making any progress towards my goal of becoming a cop, or anything in that field. I should really take up some courses. I don't start work till fuckin 2pm I have no excuses really. So I've narrowed it down to picking up and moving for awhile to get it out of my system, or settling down and achieving something. Maybe both. I'm going to bed to write it all out that always sorts shit out for me. No typing doesn't count so shoosh.