Be prepared for super long entry

So last night I could not sleep. I mean I was laying awake for like 2hrs. 10 mins is considered insomnia for me, so this was torture. I was thinking about the year and the drastic changes my life has taken in the last 4 months. I'm super proud of myself for realizing how unhappy I was and having "balls of steel" and doing something about it. (though it took fuckin forever). Then I started doubting how strong I was really. I've never really had to deal with a big break up. All my long relationships I've basically cut the person out entirely. I've done it and not hesitated on my decision or dwelled on how I felt about it. Not in the sense I was upset or missed them etc. In the sense that I cut this "important" person out of my life 100% and not missed them at all.
How can I go from spending every day with someone to never seeing them again, and feel nothing. The only thing I miss is cuddling with someone and that's not me missing them, that's me missing cuddling. (which I've got covered..phew)

Then I start doubting if I ever loved them, what is love blah blah etc etc. It truly sucked. I'm going to a movie with Tim on Saturday. He still loves me and wants me back and the only thing I feel is uncomfortable. I soooo don't want to see him again. If he didn't still have some of my shit More importantly poor Noodle my fish. I probably would ditch again. I'm glad he's making all these self changes and improving himself. However even if everything that was wrong with us was magically fixed. I done and don't want to go back.

My friends have done a 180 as well. Amanda whom I've known since I was 11 moved to London just before Christmas. Vanessa whom I've known since I was 5, had a baby. Tana for the first time is in love and spending 24/7 with Riley. Which I'm super happy for her, and I did it to her on more then one occasion for months at a time. However I used to spend 90% of my free time with her for the past 12 yrs. Her timing sucked ass too. For the first time in forever I'm free and single, and she's entering her first relationship. On the same note AJ whom was always attached as well (4yrs anyhow) is now single. Its like the twilight zone. Least Aj and I are closer then ever with Tana being busy.

However with my usual friends seemingly all disappearing suddenly, then a shift AND department switch. I was suddenly lost. Not that I ever felt it (apparently I'm a robot) a new group of friends came just at the right time I needed some emotional support. Sabrina, Jim and Sean. Now dubbed the "data power clique". Not that T, Tana and Michael weren't, I just didn't sit with them 40hrs a week. We all seemed to be going through some emotional and life changes. I'm really happy with my life now. .

(be prepared for some sappiness) I also partied ALOT. Which I'm just now pretty much gotten out of my system. Thanks to Jim who can consume more alcohol then an entire island of newfys. I needed someone who could party as much as me and be an excellent baby sitter when needed. I'm glad we become closer daily. Thanks to Sabby whom is one of the most down to earth people I've met in a long time. She's like an old super wise woman packed into a young body. She gave me some great advice when I didn't even know I needed some. Thanks to Michael who lets me vent none stop and then makes me laugh about it afterwards. Thanks to T whom I met when in a very bad head space. She almost convinced me to switch teams with her amazing personality. I'm glad we're going back to the way we used to be (totally my fault yah yah), and thanks to Raynna for reminding me how much I've grown-up.

I just wanted to thank Sean especially for breaking up at the same time so I'd have someone to go "WELL MY EX DID THIS". Thanks for being my re-bound when I'd normally fall into the same old post breakup habits. You helped me wrap my head around some of the more emotional aspects of my life, and kept me grounded. I read some of Seans blog this morning. Very positive blog BTW It put me in a great mood, very uplifting. I impressed with his ability to be positive about virtually everything in his life. When he notices he's not being positive, he pauses and thinks about it, then finds something positive. You must teach me this trick Sean.

I'm done ranting. I'm looking forward to this weekend, it can't come fast enough. I also can't wait for the summer. Its nice out today maybe that has something to do with my mood as well. Or it could be I'm pmsing and get emotional.