Precipice of change
I can feel a lot of change coming soon. Ever just know that your life is going to take a huge change of direction? I'm mourning the loss of things already, and I don't even know what I'm about to lose yet. Banff just felt like a finale of some sorts. Sean mentioned it briefly how it felt like things were about to be different. Like a good-bye. I don't know why, but I totally agreed. Which sucks. Since meeting all these new people and changing homes, jobs, friends, scenery and lifestyle I've been the happiest I've probably ever been in my life this year. Like it's my last year of highschool and have so many friends I can't keep count and knowing that I'll lose touch with most of them. Anyhow I'm just rambling.
I'm leaving the data dept that's the first change. June 20th is the date I was given. I'm going back to the floor to make some cash. No more weekends off. No more tight knit crew. You can't get anywhere without sacrificing things is what I've always been taught. So the whirl wind life style I've been living is going to be a medium breeze. I'll always be crazy and do and say shit different then most that's at least one comfort. Not like I won't hang out everyone just not the ridiculous amount that I do now. Booo-urns. Least my "allowance" will go further if If I'm not out gallivanting about all the time.
It's more then that though. Sabby is moving and thinking about changing jobs. Jim won't hang on much after the two of us are gone I'm sure. Outside of them, Jackie a good friend of mine is recently single which hit me harder then I expected. She's been with the same person for 9yrs. I just saw her as sort of a beacon. There was always at least someone who found the right person.
I have a lot more to say on that subject but I'll save that for a more personal written entry later.
I need to pull my head out of my ass and do something with myself. ADT is not going to cut it, I know this. I'm just procrastinating I'm aware. I should go back to school or get a second job too. I want kids too. I don't know where that's going to fit in...But I want them soon, as in the next 3 yrs soon. I don't want to be 30+ having kids. I can't see doing it. I see toddlers and infants and actually ache that I don't have my own. Is that disgusting or what...I know a lot of my friends are not planning to have children, and the ones that are aren't thinking any time soon. Maybe I'm just weird. Anyhow I'm just trying to sort out jumbled thoughts you know how it is.
I'm leaving the data dept that's the first change. June 20th is the date I was given. I'm going back to the floor to make some cash. No more weekends off. No more tight knit crew. You can't get anywhere without sacrificing things is what I've always been taught. So the whirl wind life style I've been living is going to be a medium breeze. I'll always be crazy and do and say shit different then most that's at least one comfort. Not like I won't hang out everyone just not the ridiculous amount that I do now. Booo-urns. Least my "allowance" will go further if If I'm not out gallivanting about all the time.
It's more then that though. Sabby is moving and thinking about changing jobs. Jim won't hang on much after the two of us are gone I'm sure. Outside of them, Jackie a good friend of mine is recently single which hit me harder then I expected. She's been with the same person for 9yrs. I just saw her as sort of a beacon. There was always at least someone who found the right person.
I have a lot more to say on that subject but I'll save that for a more personal written entry later.
I need to pull my head out of my ass and do something with myself. ADT is not going to cut it, I know this. I'm just procrastinating I'm aware. I should go back to school or get a second job too. I want kids too. I don't know where that's going to fit in...But I want them soon, as in the next 3 yrs soon. I don't want to be 30+ having kids. I can't see doing it. I see toddlers and infants and actually ache that I don't have my own. Is that disgusting or what...I know a lot of my friends are not planning to have children, and the ones that are aren't thinking any time soon. Maybe I'm just weird. Anyhow I'm just trying to sort out jumbled thoughts you know how it is.
posted by Amanda at 11:44 PM
4 Comments:
on top of all the change, i have this terrifying feeling that all the good that's gone on in the first six months of this year is about to be balanced out by six months of bad...
i'm just paranoid like that, though. i don't doubt i could actually have a year that's good from start to finish..
i think sean's crazy wrong. things arent going to be balanced out by bad, merely by different. things are bound to change, but it's how you respond to changes and such that define what will happen in the future.
When one door closes another one opens
well you'll be with us on the floor and it'll be fun.. things always change ppl come and go.. the cirlce of life don't ya love it? its up to you which ones you want to keep in touch with. :) xoxo
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